>Surreal is literally the best word that I can conceive to describe the bizarre reality of the past weekend. I arose on Monday morning feeling like it had been 2 weeks since I had been to school, yet it had only been two days. The entire weekend was a constant series of frenzy and activity. My wife and I went on a lovely date on Friday night, after I spent a few hours doing work at school. We also got the oil changed in one of our cars. Then, Saturday included an oil change for the other car, tons of school planning and work, a family dinner, church, and laundry. Finally, Sunday was my daughter’s prelims for swimming (she was incredible), a fun lunch with friends, more school work, and house cleaning.
Somehow, I survived it all. I felt spent by Monday morning, but I also knew that I could survive. And, I did. I need to keep striving for balance in my life, but I also realize that the ebb and flow of the universe will not always make balance possible. As a result, I need to embrace times like this weekend, while knowing that I did my best. Sometimes, like this weekend, most things will work out. Other times, nearly everything will fall a part. Regardless, I need to push forward. Perfection is an impossible ideal, and I hope that I will one day be able to say that (or write it) feeling it in my core. I take small steps each day, but the journey will span my life.
>Once again, I am up far later than a PWN should be. Oops! Life continues to surge at a break neck pace, yet I am surviving. My daughter had a horrid cold at the beginning of last week, and I promptly caught it. I came home early from school last Wednesday and immediately got worse. Somehow, I managed to limp through Thursday and Friday, not only getting to school, but also teaching decently. It was stunning to realize that I could feel as bad as I did, but still get to work and perform adequately. I must admit that I felt a bit of pride in being able to do that. Of course, I also questioned my sanity, particularly on Friday when my morning dose of cold medication did not play nicely with my stimulant. The chest pains and racing heart had me a little worried, but I got through it.
This week has been better from a health perspective, but today was difficult personally and professionally. We have been discussing a change to our cell phone policy and our iPod/mp3 player policy for the past two years. March 24 was finally the day of our “listening session” to hear faculty feedback. Needless to say, no one tends to be more biting in their criticism than disgruntled teachers. I facilitated two sessions and felt pummled by the negative feelings of many of my colleagues. I can understand resistence to the ideas proposed, but many people went well beyond that and vented about “technology” in general. It hurt because our committee has put so much time and energy into our work, but also because I personally believe that integrating more technology into the schoolwide curriculum is vital to helping our students prepare for the future that awaits them. To have a number of colleagues disparage that idea saddened me. It also made me question whether my school is the right place for my daughter, or for me.
Filed under Confusion, Depression, Education, Emotions, Exhaustion, Fear, Frustration, Honesty, Humility, Narcolepsy, Technology
>Somehow it is already March 10th. Time seems to spin wildly out of control, particularly when my life gets stressful. Fortunately, I survived the end of yet another trimester. I also thoroughly enjoyed Suddenly Sleepy Saturday. The movie Wide Awake was decent, particularly when one remembers that it was made for Lifetime Network. The main character is a PWN and a narcolepsy researcher. She is swept up in a thriller when someone sabotages the labs research. Much better than the film was spending time socially with other PWNs.
Interestingly enough, though, I feel like I am the one who needed a stronger reminder about the impending time shirt with the arrival of Daylight Savings Time. I had a tough time going to sleep on Saturday night. Sunday morning and evening were even worse. As a person with narcolepsy, I try to have a firmly established sleep routine. The shift of even an hour can radically alter that process. I still did not feel right today. I honestly think that I should start with my new sleep pattern the week before Daylight Savings Time. In fact I am likely going to do that for both the end of Daylight Savings Time and for next year’s Sleep Awareness Week.
What shocks me in this realization is how dependent my schedule, and my life, is on routine. I have always known that I function better with structure, at least until my obsessive tendencies cause me to implode. But, the bottom line is that a set routine and pattern IS the best way to cope with my narcolepsy. I still need to be flexible enough to accept the waxing and waning of energy, but I know I need to find some semblance of structure in my standard day. That seems far-fetched given the chaotic nature of our household, but it is definitely an important goal that I must pursue.
Filed under Balance, Education, Exhaustion, Family, Gratitude, Hope, Humility, MOONS, Narcolepsy, Scheduling, Wisdom